Before we go further, I’d like to address the ugly, orange elephant in the room. This entry is not about DJT. Not at all. It just pisses me off that one of the most vile people on the planet stole one of the coolest words- especially given the asshole’s name is actually Drumpf. And there’s nothing that *ahem* trumps the damn word. It’s just fucked right up. So, that said, the title works but I have very mixed feelings about it. Because? Fuck Drumpf! And this to say that if there is any confusion whatsoever? Having the words “trump” and “the one” in the same title offers no insight into my feelings about the cheese puff shitbag “running” our country. But it stays, as does my diatribe about the fuckstick who desecrates both the title slapped after his name and the people’s house. Gross. So gross. But, I digress. So, moving on…

This entry is actually about the ol’ trope we all recognize: The Chosen One, The Chosen, or simply The One. This legend has been touted about so often that we have created the timeline of human history based on the birth of the OG Chosen One, Jesus H. Christ. (And so we’re clear, I’m not here to discuss the story of Jesus, and how much of the 2000 year old tale is allegorical versus historical, but I guess you can probably pick up on my thoughts.)

So, who is the One? Neo? Harry Potter? Kung Fu Panda? Luke Skywalker – or even Anakin? In a fight of the Masters, who would come out on top? (And how much would I pay to see that?) And if all Jesus can do is walk on water and turn water into wine? He’s out of this tourney – but leave the wine, thank you. And while we’re asking questions, why does Hogwarts celebrate Christmas, anyway? Was Jesus actually a Wizard – with undeveloped skills?

Or is the One something simpler, something personal to each of us – a soulmate, perhaps? Or even, from a philosophical or spiritual perspective, each of us is inherently the One in our own journey? Or is the whole idea something we came up with in our undying need for heroes – male heroes as history would have it.

Or maybe in the end, Ernie on ol’ Sesame Street was right. Rubber Ducky? Is the One. And the rest of us are just posers. But some posers? Kick a lot of ass. And this entry is for those ass kicking bitches. And, of course, Rubber Ducky.

(Also, Brian from Seattle, this one is for you, but Ima dishin’ on poultry instead of pork!)