When I was a kid, my Dad was a smuggler. Every Saturday morning, he would prep his Cessna 172 Skyhawk and take to the skies, hopping the border into the US from where we lived in British Columbia to scoop up his bootleg stash. The quick 45-minute trek landed him in small town Pac NW where he loaded up his plane with dozens of cases of the dark elixir that would last the week.

No, it wasn’t booze he was smuggling, nor any kind of illegal drug. In fact, it wasn’t anything illicit at all and in the end was pretty damned innocuous. My Dad? Was smuggling Sugar Free Dr. Pepper. And only for his personal consumption.

To say my Dad had an addictive personality would be an understatement of colossal proportions. While in his youth he was a smoker, he kicked the habit in his 20s as his brood of kiddos grew in size. Instead, he took to soda, and by the time I was born, the sixth of his eight, in my whole life, I don’t remember him ever being without some sort of vessel filled with his bubbly diet cola. I’ve seen him grouchy without it. I’ve seen him drink an entire 2-liter bottle by 9 am. And I’ve even seen him pour the stuff over breakfast cereal once when we were out of milk.

Dad’s smuggling days only ended when his business partner from the States hilariously sent a dozen pallets of Sugar Free Dr. Pepper to our home. The RCMP showed up, questioning the legitimacy of both what might actually be in the cans and how/why one person might consume so much on his own. Oh, they didn’t know my Dad.

About a week after the pallets landed, barely a dent in the cache, my Dad’s best friend bet him that he couldn’t give up the Pepper. He proudly accepted the challenge and shook on it with a firm grip. The very next day, Dad switched his soda to TAB, and while I’ve never seen him with a can of Dr. Pepper since, the man is never sans a Cola. 

For the last 40 years, Dad has been on the Diet Coke train. At almost 80, he’s still guzzling the copper cleaner, mixing just a bit of Captain’s into the fizzy pop. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s still a healthy guy, out there living his life without too many worries. 

I don’t know that there’s any kind of allegory to this family lore, just a funny memory to get me writing. But if you’re still reading and looking for something really important? Read about the Coke bottle effect here.